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SL: Easy big fella. Don’t forget who grew up in Dandenong
CC: I have style. You are either born with it or you ain’t. Have you seen the tips in my hair? Look at them. I look so good. If I wasn’t married I would carve up the circuit. I am the cricketing version of Shane Crawford.
SL: I’m sure you are. Speaking of Nightclubbing … you love to come out with the boys and leave the kids and missus at home, but you the only bloke I know who doesn’t drink alcohol but never gets off the dance floor.
CC: Don’t drink – never have. As for the dancing – I don’t always dance. I have to work into the rhythm of the club and sum up the dance floor. I am like an artist. I just get in the zone and strut my stuff. I feel that I have a bit of African in me. You have seen me move. I am amazing.
SL: You certainly are. Your dance floor impression of a praying mantis is uncanny. Have you always been anorexic?
CC: If you mean trim and toned, yes. My nickname at school was “Skeletor”. I have a six pack and no arse. I am pretty happy with that. I don’t have to shop at High and Mighty like you anyway.
SL: We might move on. Lets talk about you wife, Suzie. She is clearly too good for you. What’s the secret?
CC: I knocked her up when we were 19. She knew she was onto a good thing.
SL: Does it worry you that team mate Ciaron Connelly has told you that he uses her as ‘material’ sometimes.
CC: I don’t mind if the young guys at the club go window shopping, but I am the only one who has a key to the door if you know what I mean.
SL: You eldest son, Chris Junior, recently took up football. How are you going with that?
CC: He is the next Richo. I bought him white boots and he also has tips in his hair. He just knocks the other kids over. It’s great.
SL: Would you say you are an ‘ugly parent’?
CC: Damn straight. If anyone touches my kid I would jump the fence and deal with the little turd.
SL: You can tell you grew up in Dandy, Clarkie. Looking forward to seeing you on a Current Affair soon. OK one words answers to these questions.
SL: Favourite TV show?
CC: Queer Eye
SL: Sporting Hero?
CC: Richo
SL: Beer or Bourbon?
CC: Lemon lime and bitters
SL: Don’t leave home with out …?
CC: Checking the mirror
SL: Favourite PCC player?
CC: Stuart Mack – we love each other on so many levels.
SL: Well Chris I think our readers will have got a fair idea about you.
CC: Thanks for the opportunity big fella. Did you bring a camera to get another picture of me on the website? We have to attract female hits on the site too. Pictures of Arnie are not going to cut the mustard. I might get an Orange Mocha Frappachino if you are still buying.
Note: this interview may have never taken place.
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