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7.00pm. The Tan
‘Lips’ arrives to see Hawley doing some sort of lunging exercise against a 100 year old Fig Tree. He is wearing a pair of Lycra leggings, a Nike sleeveless shirt and a red woollen beanie. Lips is wearing Green mesh basketball shorts and a Bin Tang beer t-shirt.
NS: Mate, fair dinkum. What are you wearing. Are you gay or just trying to embarrass me.
AH: Gees mate. You can talk. You are wearing black socks with white shoes. What if we see some hot chicks? I have an image to protect around these parts. What if Clarkie saw you in that get up.
NS: Yeah, I’m sure hot chicks hang out here.
Schlitz’s jaw nearly hits the ground as three absolute glamour’s go flying past. One of them smells like Rose petals………but which one?
AH: Mate, this is better than Chapel on a Saturday night.
NS: Well we’re not here to F#@% chickens. Let’s go get em tiger.
AH: Did you want to warm up big fella
NS: Not necessary my religious friend. It can’t be harder than 2 laps at training.
The boys start running the Tan at the point closest to Swan St.
NS: Mate, I heard this was hard. It is pretty flat. I will do this in 15 minutes no worries.
AH: Oh gees mate, don’t get too cocky. We haven’t even got to the hill yet. I have seen you at pre-season for the last 10 years. We will start slow ok.
After about 5 minutes running Schlitz is starting to puff a little and his face is as red as Jason Arnberger’s inner thigh after a summers day at bat pad. They have just caught up to and passed the three glamour’s and Schlitz puffs his chest out and increases the pace. As they round the corner – Schlitz notices the hill.
NS: Oh F%@$ that’s a big hill. Mate is there another flat way around this thing.
AH: Come on mate it is all down hill after that. Let’s keep going. We can’t let those chicks overtake us.
Hawley and the big fella start to tackle the hill at a good pace. They overtake some Asian bloke running in his boxer shorts, a mesh chesty bonds singlet and Dunlop KT26s.
AH: I told you it wasn’t that big mate; we are half way up it.
NS: Yeah……………….I'm…………………doing ……………..it …………….easy.
Hawley sees the pained look on the big fellas face and realizes that the hill is starting to win. He deliberately increases the pace to see what the big ship has in tank.
AH: 50 meters to the top Schleigs. Come on even Arnberger does this easy.
NS: What…………..ever………….can………….we……….walk…..now.
AH: Mate you are speaking like that Stevie guy in the wheelchair from Malcolm in the Middle. Keep running. It is easy from here. Hurry up, that Asian high panter is only 20 meters behind now.
Schlitz uses his momentum and shuffles the down hill section for the next 5 minutes. Hawley thinks it is funny to run ahead and then run back just to prove how fit he is and how fat Schlitz is. They reach the section just outside the Shrine.
NS: I think it is only fair that we walk past the Shrine to show our respect for the diggers.
AH: Mate you are about as soft as the inside of a pair of Viking gloves.  Keep going big fella, nearly home.
NS: You and the Tan can get stuffed, I’m walking. You can stick this interview where the sun don’t shine. All I wanted was a beer and a hearty pub meal at reasonable prices ...
AH: Oh gees mate that’s disappointing. I will meet you back at the car.
Schlitz arrives back at the start finish point 10 minutes later and see Hawley doing those same lunging exercise against someone’s Hyundai Excel.
AH: Oh gees mate, where did you get that?
NS: There was a Mr. Whippy van just down the road. I thought I had earned one. Can we go to the pub now?
AH: Don’t ever ask to run with me again.
It took 2 hours for Schlitz to stop sweating. He has not been back to the Tan since. His single choc top with nuts was very enjoyable. His Wednesday nights are now spent at the Mt Erica Hotel where he and other patrons can enjoy a juicy t-bone and a pot for $12.90.
Schlit Lips page <click here> | 
