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MM: You are 28 and as far as I know still single, have you thought of playing for the other side and becoming heterosexual?
Lips: You heard wrong have a look at these hairy nipples on my untoned flabby pecs and abs no self respecting gay man would have a body like mine.
MM: Sorry I read through your CV and said you lived in a townhouse in Prahran with an art deco design, a short stroll from the Latte district and a Persian cat called David.
Lips: That’s almost correct but David comes from Perth and when he first arrived at Prahran I said ‘who is this terrible bat from Perth’. We have a fishpond. I am his butler.
MM: Why no luck with the ladies then?
Lips: Have a look at this forehead, I can’t go near the airport because Helicopters try to land on top of my head. I’d wear a t-shirt saying solar panel for a sex machine but I haven’t had sex since they closed three faces down.
MM: You should tag along with some of the upcoming youth, you might get lucky.
Lips: Some of the younger blokes take me out down Chapel, but even though most of them aren’t shaving yet they can still drink me under the table, and they don’t even try to muffle their laughter when the chicks complement them on being new age guys and bringing their dad out with them. A standard Saturday night for me is a couple of cruisers and an episode of the Gilmour Girls whilst I contemplate the days play and think, ‘have I made my last failure in the ones?’
MM: Is there any where you enjoy going out?
Lips: Sometimes I go and visit a like minded team mate Chris Garcia who serves me up his speciality Salty Spanish Sausage. He makes me eat until my eyes roll back in my head and I nearly gag but once you’ve had a taste of Chris’s Salty Spanish Sausage there is no other way I’d like to spend my recreation time.
MM: You enjoy a bit of coaching at training, what are your favourite routines?
Lips: I love to get out with the boys and handle some balls. I am a big wrap for flexibility so I highly recommend lunging because the only thing I don’t want to tug out on the field are my hamstrings.
MM: What’s your favourite type of music?
Lips: I like all sorts of stuff but my favourites are Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys and maybe a little bit of Kylie if I feel like having a dance.
MM: How about Films?
Lips: Deliverance, My own Private Idaho anything with Rock Hudson in it.
MM: Sports people you admire?
Lips: Greg Louganis, Ian Roberts (some questionable team mate), I’m a big admirer of Thorpey.
MM: Thanks for your time again, any advice for upcoming stars of the future at Prahran.
Lips: Don’t listen to that slip slop slap rubbish, the most important lotion you should be applying before play is the vas between your legs because when Mr Chaffey comes visiting on a Saturday afternoon it can really hurt your preparation for Saturday night.
Schlit Lips page <click here> | 
