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Date: Sunday, 18 November 2007
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Author: Dirty Sanchez
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| Steven was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing, “Who could this be?” he thought to himself as he stumbled out of bed and rushed for the phone,
“Hello” said Steven doing his best to sound like he hadn’t just rolled out of bed.
“M-m-m-mice!” Cried the voice on the other side of the phone. Steven recognized it as Prahran Cricket Club legend David Jukes.
“Slow down Jukesy! What are you talking about?” said Steven taken aback
“The club room is over run with mice! Millions of them! I’ve heard you have a knack of being able to eradicate vermin. Please come down and get rid of them before they find my stash of pink dim sims!”
“Okay, Okay I will be there as soon as I can” promised Steven. He then hung up the phone and got ready to leave all the while thinking about the actual PROCESS he would use to eliminate the mice.
On his way to Toorak Park Steven bumped into the big friendly carpenter Trevor Bauer. Steven and Trevor exchanged pleasantries before the conversation turned to the activities they both had planned for the day. Steven explained to Trevor in great detail the problem that he was facing when he arrived at Toorak Park, and asked Trevor if he had any ideas that might help.
After two minutes of silence Trevor admitted that he had no idea what Steven should do about the problem. He also added that to be perfectly honest he didn’t really care, and besides Trevor was more excited about the contents of his own bag. |
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Trevor removed the backpack from his shoulders and opened it up,
“Have a look at this Steven” he said with his characteristic ear to ear smile. Trevor reached in his bag and produced a small wooden musical pipe that he was hoping would be his ticket to fame |
| Our very own mouse expert Steven. |
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in the Prahran Cricket Club band Prahrandemonium playing at Toorak Park on December 8th 2007 $10 entry cheap drinks.
“I have worked hard on this, it took me ages to get it right, you know with my big bucket hands and thick fingers it can be hard to get a pipe that is just right.”
Steven was so bored at this point that he was walking away when Trevor said “I have a gut feeling you may need th…”
“Yeah, Yeah whatever just give it to me” Steven said interrupting as he grabbed it from Trevor before adding
“Now off you pop” and with that they parted ways.
Half an hour later Steven was standing out the front of Toorak Park with Mr. Jukes looking at the mice running in and out of the Lux Pavilion. Steven had never seen anything like this, there were millions of them. He reached for the box that he had used to get rid of a couple of mice one Super Saturday but he was stopped by the sarcastic laughter of Mr. Jukes
“You will need a bigger box than that Steven”
Mr. Jukes was right. Steven looked around and eventually found a huge box, a stick, and some string “These will be perfect for a trap eh Jukesy?” said Steven aloud not realizing that he was alone as Mr. Jukes had walked around to the other side of the building. A feeling of foolishness washed over him.
Steven set up the trap near the front door however the mice weren’t falling for it. He was missing one ingredient…cheese! Steven turned to Mr. Jukes and asked “Where can I get cheese from?”
“mmm…mmm…Williamson…mmm…mmm” mumbled Mr. Jukes
“Of course” shrieked Steven “There is no one at the Prahran Cricket club who loves cheese more than Chris Williamson”
Steven pulled out his phone and quickly dialed Chris’ number, it rang for a long time before Chris finally picked it up.
“Hello” answered Chris sounding a little out of breath.
“Hello Chris it is Steven here”
“Oh…a… G’day Steven” replied Chris sounding distracted
“I need some cheese in a hurry” Steven pleaded
“Gee mate I would love to help you but I am currently off shore doing a bit of motor boating.” Said Chris
“Bad Luck!” said Steven “you will have to come to Prahran and drop off some cheese”
“Righto! Like that will happen” yelled Chris as he hung up on Steven.
“Fiddle sticks” shouted Steven as he closed his phone and shoved it back in his pocket, as he did he felt a sharp pain in his hand as the small wooden pipe Trevor gave him cut his finger.
Reaching cautiously into his pocket a second time he removed the pipe. He was angry now; he raised the pipe to his lips and blew into it very hard to help relieve the frustration of the day. The sound that came out of the pipe was very high pitched and stopped the millions of mice who had previously been running around like crazy in their tracks.
“What the…?” said Steven absolutely dumbfounded at what he had done. All the mice were just sitting looking at him. Steven had no musical talent whatsoever but he thought the pipe might be worth trying anyway. He played the pipe again, this time trying something a little more melodious…he failed, however the mice seemed mesmerized by his strange collection of out of key and out of time notes, they all slowly scuttled towards him.
“Go out the gate! Run, run!’ yelled Mr. Jukes. Steven turned around and began to run however he struggled to play and run simultaneously and the mice began to break from his spell. So instead he slowed down to a walk however this enabled the mice to attack his ankles, therefore as a last resort Steven began to skip. He skipped gleefully down Orrong road then down High street, and across Chapel Street with the plague of mice following him. The streets were lined with hundreds of people beholding this strange spectacle and cheering him on.
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Finally after a hour of skipping and playing the pipe Steven finally found a suitable venue to leave the plague of mice. He skipped through the gates of the Junction Oval, home of St Kilda one of Prahran’s biggest rivals, and out into the centre wicket. As he reached the wicket he stopped playing and ran for his life.
At last the mice were gone from Toorak Park. |
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An artists impression of the Steven leading the mice away. | | 
